He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
