so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
