So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
