she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
