I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
