You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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