he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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