Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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