so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
