Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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