I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
