You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
