I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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