We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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