did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
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It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
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All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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