If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
