no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
