my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
