You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
