if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
