Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
