I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
