i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
