what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
