So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
