i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
