The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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