I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
