I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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