I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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