So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
