i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize