this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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