why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
