This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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