there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
