Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
