I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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