having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
These tits shall not be calmed
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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