I feel like I'm in dance class right now
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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