So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
