marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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