is your mom at the bar?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
