She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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