the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
