I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
