I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
