When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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