apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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