Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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