Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
