very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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