I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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