I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
