Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ugly people sure do ruin things
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
