wat bout pragnant strippers??
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
