Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
