let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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