oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
