She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
