i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
