Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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