Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
