so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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