That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
