Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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