i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
